October 14th, 2015

Serious Business

We thank you for your witness to and defense of the truth of Matrimony and Family proclaimed by the Church, in fidelity to our Lord Jesus Christ. As the Ordinary Synod on the Family continues its work, confusion and scandal spread among the faithful. Catholics are concerned that some members of this body of apostolic successors, under the guidance of the Pope, are seeking to endorse homosexual relationships, effectively question the indissolubility of marriage, and permit the distribution of the Holy Eucharist to the unrepentant.

April 17th, 2009

I Heart Doug Kmiec

Honestly, this man is God’s gift to blogging. But you know, not in the good way:

Here he is talking about people who want President Obama (PBUH) to be uninvited to Notre Dame.

Many Catholics, including this one, find it hard to reconcile this approach with the image of Christ in Matthew’s Gospel never turning away even “sinners and tax collectors,” though no one could blame Obama Cabinet officials for steering clear of tax collectors. Jesus’ method was one of inclusion, teaching with generosity, forgiveness and truth — not snubbing those in high office. Read more »

April 2nd, 2009

Being called an idiot tends to take people out of the dating mood.
–Buffy Sommers

I feel bad for Meghan McCain. It’s part of my larger thing of feeling bad for anyone who’s dating nowadays.

One extreme fan of my mother’s recently told me I could be “his Cindy.” And then asked me if I ever wore pearls because they probably would look as good on me as they do on my mother. No, I’m not kidding. Any guy that has a fetish for older women in pantsuits and large pearls obviously only finds my last name attractive about me.

Let me give you some advice, ok?

You’re perfectly justified to find this sort of stuff to be a bit creepy; it really is poor form. On the other hand, your mom is pretty hot for her age, and she’s into cars. So, you know, try to look on the bright side.

Another thing you might want to consider: there are even creepier things you can hear on a date. Let me list a few for you:

      3. Everyone gets blindfolded the first time they come here.
    2. It rubs the lotion on its skin. It does this whenever it’s told.

(If we’re going with Silence of the Lambs lines, if someone ever quotes Multiple Miggs to you immediately remain in a public location until the authorities arrive).

    1. You know, I’ve got this brunette wig and these librarian glasses that would look great on you!

March 28th, 2009

After all that we’ve been through together, and you guys won’t believe me when I tell you that Kathy is bad.
–Buffy Sommers

Characters Unite National Town Hall

It may have been intimated that the whole three part thing I was planning would be up quickly. Well, so much for that. The big hold up was in getting some exclusive video edited and prepped for the blog. I’ve come to the conclusion that what I need is a media intern. If you’re studying graphic or media arts or whatever they call it and you need some credits, drop me a line. I’ll hit up your school to have you intern for me. We’ll go into the specifics later.

So today we’re going to look at Kathleen Parker, a top conservative columnist (if by “top conservative columnist” you mean “the eighth person you click on when you head to the townhall.com columnists section”).

Anyhow, I’ve finally gotten everything squared away; I’m proud to announce this exclusive video of Kathleen Parker preparing to write another column:

Read more »

September 11th, 2006

Brian Joseph Murphy

Brian Murphy was a Cantor Fitzgerald employee. He was a husband and a father as well as a Catholic. He died because he was attending a meeting on the 105th floor of the North Tower when American Airlines Flight 11 slammed into the building. That’s it. He died because he was there.

There was no greater point to his death than that. He wasn’t a politician or a policy-maker. I can’t tell you his personal beliefs or his politics. The thing of it is, none of those mattered. He didn’t die because of what he thought, or who he was. In a way, you could almost attach some sort of dignity to being killed for those types of reasons. Brian Joseph Murphy died because he was there. He was slaughtered because he, like many others, was an easy target. There’s no sense to this. We’re not made to understand everything in this life, however. Trying to do so can only lead to madness or despair.

The important thing to remember, I think, is that he was here. He loved and was loved. I’m also pretty sure he disliked and was disliked too; we all are. He was human. Now he is gone and he has left others behind. I never knew you, Brian. I could pretend that I’ve gotten to know you by reading a few snippets here and there on the internet. That would be a lie; it would be a lie to all those who did know you. What I do know is this: you were a unique soul, and as such you were infinitely precious when you were among us. You are just as precious to those who did know you while you were here. You will forever be infinitely precious in the hands of a just and merciful God. May He have mercy on you.

I generally have little patience for psychiatrists and psychologists, as I am more of the opinion that most emotional pain can be handled with alcohol and stoicism, but I have to admit I admire Brian’s wife, Judith. They were married in 1994; that means that soon she will have been without him longer than they had been together. She has memories, and two children to remind herself of him now. I was reading an interview she did for her alma mater and I was struck by how well grounded she was. She has good days and she has bad days. Some times, some events, are harder for her than others. I can almost hear her say, “What do you expect from me? This is life.” Our hearts and our souls don’t follow neat little preset patterns. The trick is to adjust to each day as it comes. I can only hope that she and her family can adjust, not “from here on out” but daily.

After all, it’s only life; we all get through it. We can only wish that Brian wouldn’t have gotten through his too soon for his family.

Eternal rest grant unto him, O Lord. And may the Perpetual Light shine upon him.

(This post is part of The 2,996 Project, honoring individually every victim of September 11th.)

July 11th, 2006

Every prairie dog hole is a gold mine, every molehill is a mountain, every creek is a river and everybody you meet is a liar.
–Jack Parker


From time to time, I get people who wonder if I’m a little too hard on Santa Fe when I remark that it has all the freakishness of San Francisco but without the water. There are other people who wonder if it can really be as bad as I make out. Finally, there are people who ask me to sum up my experience of living in the “City Different”. I’m happy to say I can finally answer all those people at the same time.

That’s right folks, I’ve done it. I have found the most perfect Santa Fe story ever. One small article in the Santa Fe New Mexican has encapsulated all of this whacked out town more accurately and succinctly than I could ever dare to imagine. Thank you, Tom Sharpe! Read more »

July 7th, 2006

It’s always stimulating to travel with the international voice of racism

The latest PSP is bringing up a ton of controversy for the following ad being run in Europe.

PlayStation Portable. White is coming

Read more »

March 15th, 2006

I see no point in celebrating the fact that she’s lived so BLOODY LONG.

A very Happy Birthday to Miss Hilary Jane Margaret White, spinster. For those of you who don’t know, Hilary runs a very nice blog by the name of The Devout Life. Please stop by and wish her a great day.

As my tribute to Hilary’s birthday, I include the following bit from the Lair of the Catholic Caveman, in reference to legends of Christ escaping the Crucifixion and living out his life elsewhere on this planet:

Then we have The Savior hangin’ out in England and Wales, undoubtedly ready to leave post-haste due to the horrid food. “Shall I boil your beef for you s’more, Guvnah? Were the jellied eels to your liking, Yer Lordship?”

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Boiled Beef

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Jellied Eels

Also, here’s a few excerpts from a couple of her favorite songs:

Rock On Rockall

Oh the empire is finished no foreign lands to seize
So the greedy eyes of England are looking towards the seas
Two hundred miles from Donegal, there’s a place that’s called Rockall
And the groping hands of Whitehall are grabbing at its walls

Oh rock on Rockall, you’ll never fall to Britain’s greedy hands
Or you’ll meet the same resistance that you did in many lands
May the seagulls rise and pluck your eyes and the water crush your shell,
And the natural gas will burn your arse and blow you all to hell.

Now the seas will not be silent, while Britannia grabs the waves
And remember that the Irish will no longer be your slaves,
And remember that Britannia, well, – she rules the waves no more
So keep your hands off Rockall – it’s Irish to the core.


He led us on ‘gainst the coming soldiers,
And the cowardly Yeomen we put to flight;
‘Twas at the Harrow the boys of Wexford
Showed Bookey’s Regiment how men could fight
Look out for hirelings, King George of England,
Search ev’ry kingdom where breathes a slave,
For Father Murphy of the County Wexford
Sweeps o’er the land like a mighty wave.

Happy Birthday, Susie!

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February 16th, 2006

I thought it was the Jesuits who said that.

Welcome Catholic Weblog Awards Visitors!

If you’re considering me for Best Political Blog, take a look here for my work.

If you’re considering me for Most Bizarre Post, try here and here.

Don’t forget to vote!

Without further ado, our post:

In a surprise move today, Superior General of the Society of Jesus Peter Hans Kolvenbach released a statement decrying the depiction of the shadowy religious movement known as Opus Dei in the forthcoming film adaptation of “The DaVinci Code”.

      On behalf of the Society of Jesus, I ask Sony Pictures to prevent giving scandal by linking the character of “Brother Silas” to Opus Dei and to make him a Jesuit, as is only fitting and proper. For years, we of the Society have remained silent while these upstart punks have run around claiming to be the real power behind the Church. That changes today. Those Opus Dei hacks don’t know the first thing about being a global force of terror. Who do they think they are, stealing our PR?

We’ve been killing people and toppling governments for nearly five hundred years, son.

    Ooh, you own a big building in Manhattan. Like that’s supposed to impress us? Come back when you can do something really impressive, like control all the stolen gold and artwork of the Third Reich. Then we’ll talk!

Opus Dei Is For Pansies!

Father Kolvenbach then provided the Express with transcripts from a heretofore undisclosed Jesuit mole who runs the website called The Unhived Mind:

The Jesuits from the 4th Vow are the rulers of this planet and have been since 1846. They were formed by the first Black Pope Loyola properly addressed as The Superior General. He swore allegience to the Pope to help destroy their enemies and regain control of the world under one leadership again, which is Roman Catholic for now. Since 1540 they have been feared because the Jesuit Order is the most powerful society on Earth and this is how its kept control amongst what many call the elite. The Jesuits kill Popes which should easily show you their power. Many in the Vatican detest the Society of Jesus and its ways but quite frankly cannot do anything about it. Once the Pope was made the Infallible Prince that was it, the Jesuits gained control of all the governments etc. This created the final pyramid in order to gain full control, this is how the small rule the few. Popes hate being Infallible as it makes them subject to Rome! The Jesuits have all the knowledge and wealth most of which they steal. Just look at their 4th vow Oath and Instructions its terrible how they think and react. They remind me of Chameleons, the Jesuits change into their enemy in order to take over and destroy.

The Superior General of the Society of Jesus known as Peter Hans Kolvenbach he is the most powerful man on the planet in a singular sense. Of course he must be elected for the position so theres other Jesuits in the collective sense more powerful together. Think of it as a business with a CEO and a board of directors/owner! Kolvenbach is the head of all Masonry of which his order created. You will see Masonic elements in Jesuit documents etc such as the all seeing eye and sun worship. The white Pope is ruled by The Superior General as is all the rest such as Cardinal Bertie of the Sovereign Military of Malta and Opus Dei leaders and members.

That’s right, Opus Dei. The Jesuits PWN you. Well, you and the rest of planet Earth. Finally, Father Kolvenbach concluded with the following:

    To sum up, both Sony Pictures and Opus Dei had better sit down and shut up. Know your roles, people. If you’re thinking of defying the will of the Society, maybe you should talk to Princess Diana about how that plays out.

February 15th, 2006

This Just In

I’d like to give a shout out to all of you coming here from the Catholic Blog Awards, and those visiting from And Rightly So.

If you’re considering me for Best Political Blog, take a look here for my work.

If you’re considering me for Most Bizarre Post, try here and here.

Without further ado, our post:

The Vatican today announced a catastrophic blow to the reconciliation of the SSPX. At the ceremonial signing of an agreement in principle to the establishment of a Personal Apostolic Association for “Traditional Catholics” to be lead by the bishops of the Society, Bishop Bernard Fellay cited a number of reasons for the speed in which an agreement was concluded.

“Most notably, we in the Society have been very pleased with the performance of Der Tommissar in the Catholic Blog Awards. We’re especially pleased that he is leading in Best Political Blog.”

Really Big Fan

When a reporter noted that The Donegal Express was actually trailing both the Anchoress and Mark Shea, Fellay responded in disbelief with, “Shea? He’s losing to Mark Shea?”

The entire delegation then walked out. Vatican officials refused to comment.

A Vote To Continue Division?

Personally, I wouldn’t want that on my conscience. I hope you don’t either. Oh, and don’t even get me started on what a vote for Amy Welborn in Best Presentation will do for Catholic-Orthodox reconciliation.

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